im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
