I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
