I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
