Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
