u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
