Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
