Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
