We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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