All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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