So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
