oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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