He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
