yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
