I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
