Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The air was thick with penises
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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