The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
