i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
