So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
