She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
