seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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