he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize