Jerry, you need to find god
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
