she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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