At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
