The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
