My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
