I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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