Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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