if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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