I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
