For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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