She's JV to your varsity
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
