I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
