Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
