So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
