Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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