Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
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I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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