you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
