you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
