Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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