he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
