dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
