I love black thongs
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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