my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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