tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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