she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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