My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
