Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
