We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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