Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
