I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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