recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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