Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
