I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
