she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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