Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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