peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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