its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
