looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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