I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
