Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
