Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
