Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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