Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
