OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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