i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
