I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
